5. xxxChurch.com (help for people struggling with internet pornography). Great site offering accountability and education.
4. KidsInMind.com (movie reviews). Great in-depth reviews of hundreds of movies, outlining all questionable content in detail.
3. Lyrics. com, SongLyrics.com. Searchable by artist name, these sites have an exhaustive database of lyrics from songs of a wide variety of genres.
2. WhatTheyPlay.com (family oriented descriptions of video games). A very informative site, searchable by game name, platform, kid's age or game genre. One warning, though: I found the recommendations on the site by other parents to be liberal.
1. NetNanny.com and CyberSitter.com (web filtering programs). Both have taken huge steps forward in recent years, like being able to give parents a complete report of all web sites visited and instant messages sent. Both offer remote management, personalized content filtering for each user and integration with popular search engines. You can even set a limit for the amount of time your kid spends on the internet each day.
My son/husband/I have a problem with internet porn, what should I do?
If your family is facing this issue, take it seriously. Here are some great steps to finding victory over this compulsion:
Turn on the lights. Most addictions/compulsions lose their stranglehold when other people know about them. Get him into counseling or a local support group. Many churches now offer discreet, low shame groups for men. Or he can even get into a general 12 step group. The principles definitely cross over into sexual addictions, and they are serious about anonymity. If it’s your husband, you may want to seek couples’ counseling, as well.
Understand the problem. A huge key to defeating the compulsion is understanding it. Books like “Every Man’s Battle” and “Pure Desire” are great resources.
Commit or recommit your life to God. Those struggling with a pornography addiction need a power greater than themselves.
Set up some accountability. In addition to a group or counseling, you can sign up online to be accountable to a friend. Go to XXXChurch.com. Don’t be frightened by the name. They have a free service (x3watch) that will inform a friend of your choosing of every questionable website you ever visit. All you have to do is supply your friends email address and install the free software. Your friend will get a weekly email to keep you accountable.
Lose the internet. Don’t freak out, this is one of your easiest solutions. Billions of people don’t have access at home and they’re fine.
Don’t go wireless. Wireless internet means you’re providing unmonitored access anywhere in or around your home. A public wired access point means your family can work on homework wherever they want, but if they need to get on the web, they have to plug in where you can see them.
Use filters. A pretty good content filter is installed on your computer with windows. Go to the control panel (on the start menu), then internet options, then content. Enable the content advisor, where you can set a password and define what is accessible on your computer. When you set the password, have Mom write the first half and Dad the second half. That way, neither of you can change the password alone.
Install a filtering program. Much cheaper than a porn addiction, NetNanny is extremely easy to install, and very tough to get around.
Turn on the lights. Most addictions/compulsions lose their stranglehold when other people know about them. Get him into counseling or a local support group. Many churches now offer discreet, low shame groups for men. Or he can even get into a general 12 step group. The principles definitely cross over into sexual addictions, and they are serious about anonymity. If it’s your husband, you may want to seek couples’ counseling, as well.
Understand the problem. A huge key to defeating the compulsion is understanding it. Books like “Every Man’s Battle” and “Pure Desire” are great resources.
Commit or recommit your life to God. Those struggling with a pornography addiction need a power greater than themselves.
Set up some accountability. In addition to a group or counseling, you can sign up online to be accountable to a friend. Go to XXXChurch.com. Don’t be frightened by the name. They have a free service (x3watch) that will inform a friend of your choosing of every questionable website you ever visit. All you have to do is supply your friends email address and install the free software. Your friend will get a weekly email to keep you accountable.
Lose the internet. Don’t freak out, this is one of your easiest solutions. Billions of people don’t have access at home and they’re fine.
Don’t go wireless. Wireless internet means you’re providing unmonitored access anywhere in or around your home. A public wired access point means your family can work on homework wherever they want, but if they need to get on the web, they have to plug in where you can see them.
Use filters. A pretty good content filter is installed on your computer with windows. Go to the control panel (on the start menu), then internet options, then content. Enable the content advisor, where you can set a password and define what is accessible on your computer. When you set the password, have Mom write the first half and Dad the second half. That way, neither of you can change the password alone.
Install a filtering program. Much cheaper than a porn addiction, NetNanny is extremely easy to install, and very tough to get around.
Top 10 Lo Tech Ways to Monitor Your Kids' Input
Not every solution to high tech problems requires the geek squad. Here are my favorite simple solutions to high tech parenting challenges:
10. Encourage your kid to teach you how to use the stuff/programs they use. They'll have fun showing off what they know, and you'll see what they're exposing themselves to.
9. Don’t put a computer in your kids’ room (or make a laptop accessible to them). Put the computer in a well traveled part of the house, where they know that anyone can see what they're doing.
8. Don’t put a tv in your kids room, or just don't have it hooked up to cable. They can still watch dvds and play video games.
7. Keep a sharp eye on your credit card statements/ cable and phone bills. You'd be surprised what a kid can access via your phone or tv.
6. Know your kids’ friends and what their parents' standards are.
5. Utilize the ratings and warnings on music, video games and movies. As flawed as they might be, they can still raise an easily identifiable red flag for parents.
4. Introduce yourself to your kids friends’ parents, exchange phone numbers and check in periodically, especially if you’ve been seeing red flags.
3. Don’t let your kid have internet access on their phone (you can call your cell phone service provider if you’re unsure). By the way, just because their phone is web-capable doesn’t mean they can get on the web. Someone has to pay for web access.
2. Watch the stuff your kids watch. Read what they’re reading. Listen to their favorite music once in a while.
1. Ask your kids questions about what they’re doing/ what they’re in to. Listen carefully and without judgement. If your kids think that you're safe and know that you care, they'll share more openly.
10. Encourage your kid to teach you how to use the stuff/programs they use. They'll have fun showing off what they know, and you'll see what they're exposing themselves to.
9. Don’t put a computer in your kids’ room (or make a laptop accessible to them). Put the computer in a well traveled part of the house, where they know that anyone can see what they're doing.
8. Don’t put a tv in your kids room, or just don't have it hooked up to cable. They can still watch dvds and play video games.
7. Keep a sharp eye on your credit card statements/ cable and phone bills. You'd be surprised what a kid can access via your phone or tv.
6. Know your kids’ friends and what their parents' standards are.
5. Utilize the ratings and warnings on music, video games and movies. As flawed as they might be, they can still raise an easily identifiable red flag for parents.
4. Introduce yourself to your kids friends’ parents, exchange phone numbers and check in periodically, especially if you’ve been seeing red flags.
3. Don’t let your kid have internet access on their phone (you can call your cell phone service provider if you’re unsure). By the way, just because their phone is web-capable doesn’t mean they can get on the web. Someone has to pay for web access.
2. Watch the stuff your kids watch. Read what they’re reading. Listen to their favorite music once in a while.
1. Ask your kids questions about what they’re doing/ what they’re in to. Listen carefully and without judgement. If your kids think that you're safe and know that you care, they'll share more openly.
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